Sunday, November 20, 2011

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Friday, April 24, 2009

Oh yeah....

I knew I was forgetting something! I just want to take a second and ask everyone to keep my friend Heather and her family in your thoughts and prayers. Heather was 25 weeks pregnant and on April 9 her body started to reject the pregnancy, so by emergency c section baby boy Elliott was born weighing in at 1 lb 1 oz. Miraculously Elliott is fighting hard and hanging in there. He is being monitored in the NICU and has even gained a couple ounces. I've seen pictures of him and he is no bigger then the size of my hand. He has a long tough road ahead of him but the Dr's seem very confident that he is going to make it through.

The Homestretch

Wow its been a long time. I was trying to do better about posting more but between work sucking the life out of me and getting ready for baby girl, the only other thing I do is sleep. As I enter the homestretch I just have no energy for anything extra and unfortunately blogging has fallen into that category.

So here is a quick rundown of what has been going on since the last time.

At the end of March my friend Tracy and I went to an all day childbirth class at the hospital. I didn't really learn much more then I already know but at least I know what to do and Tracy has an idea of how to wing it when the time comes.

April 4 my sister Katy and my moms best friend Deb threw me a baby shower. A lot of people showed up and it made me feel extremely blessed that so many people support and love me and my baby. I got some pretty amazing things and I can not wait to put those tiny little outfits on her, especially the Guns N Roses onsies from Jake :)

About a month ago I went to see my friend Kristi and her daughter Kirra. Kristi is married to his brother and they all live together. I hadn't seen Kirra since she was born in September and it was really nice to catch up with Kristi. I felt reassured that I had her and Brandon's support despite what is going on with Him. She did mention that Father of the Year was talking like he was going to have my daughter all the time and telling them all the things they were gonna do. Excuse me for a second. Hahahahahahahaha Hahahahahahahaha Hahahahahahahahaha Hahahahaha. OK I'm back and I fell better now. I have not had any contact whatsoever with him since JANUARY. He has made NO effort to get ahold of me to even talk about how we are going to co parent this child and he thinks he's just gonna swoop right in and have her whenever he feels like it? Doesn't quite work like that.

Things are progressing very well. I'm sitting uncomfortably at 35 weeks and 4 days right now. At my last appt my dr told me that after next Monday if I go into labor they won't try to stop it. That excites me and terrifies me all at the same time. She has been head down for weeks and she's dropped a little bit. I've had fake contractions on and off all week. Its so crazy to know that at any time now, I'm going to have this amazing life that I've carried for so long now and it just seems so surreal. I should probably pack my bag soon I might actually have some spare energy to do that today.

OK I think that catches me up but I could be forgetting something. Stupid pregnancy brain :) Now I need to do something else I've been putting of for too long. Writing thank you cards.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Comfort Has Left the Building

28 weeks down, 12 more to go. At least that's what I keep telling myself. To say that I have hit the uncomfortable point of this pregnancy is an understatement. Being on my feet all day long makes my feet swell and ache really bad. They've already grown half a size and I had to get new work shoes yesterday.

My belly is really popping out there now. Just kinda happened in the last couple weeks and now I have soooo many people coming up to me saying "I didn't know you were pregnant" and trying to touch my belly. You know its fine if I know you and am comfortable with you touching my belly, but people I just work with or hardly know, even some I don't even like just reaching out and putting their hands all over my belly irritates the hell out of me. I know every pregnant woman goes through it but still I feel like I need to wear a sign that says DO NOT TOUCH THE BELLY. I have been loving the warmer weather though. Mainly because I can no longer zip up my winter coat and really don't want to have to wear it again.

I have also found that I can't sit still for longer then 2 minutes. If anyone has any good advice on sitting postionsthat are comfortable please let me know. That and sleeping. I've tried the body pillow, I've tried the pillow between my legs and nothing seems to help. I did get some new pillows yesterday and I did sleep a little bit better but I still wake up with bad cramps in my hip. I will try anything for a decent nights sleep!

Last week I went and drank the sugar stuff to test for gestational diabetes and to say it made me woozy is an understatement. I was sitting in the waiting room waiting my hour when all of a sudden I started feeling very clammy and sweaty and my limbs felt real heavy. I told the receptionist and she got me some water and told me to put my head between my legs. Uh yeah not exactly possible when you have a mound of baby in your way. After that all finally passed, the lab lady was like oh yeah I forgot to tell you it might make you a little woozy. Nice.

Other then the loss of sleep and the constant discomfort, I actually am doing very well. Things are coming along very smoothly and I have only a couple of months before my daughter makes her grand entrance. I signed up for childbirth class and my great friend Tracy will be stepping up as the role as partner to help me through it. I'm excited about it, yet terrified all at the same time.

Things on the baby daddy front haven't changed. He's still absent, still hasn't made any effort to be any kind of father but I think I'm used to it by now. Its been over 2 months since I've seen or heard from him. I am getting REALLY tired of his girlfriend though. Apparently she asks a girl I know about me, like she is soooo concerned about how I'm doing. When this girl told her how I was really doing she made it sound like he was father of the year because he showed up for 1 Dr appt. Now I hear that she's bragging to anyone who will listen that she has the most awesome, greatest man in the world in her life. Please. If you can qualify someone who leads someone on for YEARS, gets her pregnant then just abandons her without ANY CONTACT WHAT SO EVER so he can "live his life" ieget laid awesome and great, then yeah you got yourself a prize. Kinda makes me wonder what kind of men she's had in her life up til now....

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Busy Busy Busy

Haven't had a whole lot of time to write lately, I've had so much going on trying to get everything ready for the arrival of baby girl Piehl (lame I know but I'm still not sure what I want to call her). However I have gotten so much accomplished, I don't have much left to do but wait until she gets here.

First of all she has been kicking up a storm. Unfortunately her favorite time to perform her circus act is about 2 in the morning making sleep a lot harder. She really moves a lot then, but not as much as when I put my iPod on my belly. My little girl is going to start appreciating good music from the beginning:)

I spend a lot of time browsing through baby aisles, checking out what I want when I came across the crib I wanted....and it was on sale.....and had a matching changing table.....also on sale! A couple days later I went back with my parents and they had 1 of each left and weren't planning on getting more in stock, so taking it as a sign we bought them both.

Since I had the crib out of the way, I starting looking for the bedding I liked. I went to Target, and Wal-Mart and got really frustrated because I didn't like anything. I searched online for stuff and got overwhelmed because there were just so many to choose from so I gave up. A couple days later my sister and I went back to Target to register and sure enough they got all new stuff in and I found my perfect bedding!

Registering was interesting. It was a lot of fun picturing my baby using all of the things I picked out, but it was hard because honestly I had no idea what I needed, only a list I copied off the internet. Katy and I spent 3 hours going aisle by aisle trying not to miss anything I might need. Between Target and Babies R Us I think I got everything covered.

Jen came home last weekend and we had a mission. If you have ever seen my parents basement, you know that it is dark hunter green on 3 walls and the ugliest wallpaper you've ever seen on the other wall. Our mission: paint over ugly walls. My parents repainted the house last year and they had a bunch of leftover paint some of which happened to be pale pink. Pretty convenient. All we wanted to do was at least get the walls painted but we ended up getting the walls painted, the crib and changing table all put together, the bedding all in and putting all the stuff I've accumulated so far put into its place. Its such an awesome feeling to come home and see my baby's room all ready for her and know that in a few short months she will be sleeping there :)

The last few weeks have been really hard for me emotionally. Him not being there at all is wearing me down and I'm pretty sure I cried a week straight one week. It all came to a head last week when I found out last week that he STILL hadn't told his parents. Seriously? I'm 6 months pregnant. I'm tired being ignored, avoided, and worse treated like I don't exist, that this baby isn't happening. Up until recently I have been trying to let him know when things were going on but the stress of it all is just getting to me. I was doing OK until he showed up at the ultrasound and got my hopes up he wanted to be involved. Sadly its been downhill ever since. I've been going over some numbers in my head and came up some things that were rather interesting.

178 number of days I've been pregnant

4272 roughly the number of hours I've been pregnant

5 maximum number of hours that I've seen or had a conversation with the father of my child

since I told him I was pregnant

0 number of times he's asked how me or the baby are since finding out I was pregnant

1 number of Dr appt. he's actually showed up for

4 number of times he bitched about having to buy all new stuff after finding out it was a girl

at that appt.

2 number of times I've called him a deadbeat

2 number of times he acted offended when I called him a deadbeat

2 number of times he has continued to act like a deadbeat after being offended at being called

a deadbeat.

I know in the past I've tried to keep my mouth shout and not go into much detail about how bad it really is, but I'm tired of being nice and if the truth hurts maybe accepting his part of the responsibility is what he needs to do. Going by the numbers above does not make me very willing to hand my baby over. Something has to change and so far I'm not convinced, but until then I will continue to make all of the decisions and hope that everything I do is in the very best interest of my daughter. Since he refuses to answer the phone or return any of my calls or messages, or even respond to the letter I wrote him, I left the ball in his court and he still won't get ahold of me. If he wants to be part of her life there is a lot we need to discuss and even more he has to convince me of. Until then, I'm done trying. I have more important things to do.

Monday, January 12, 2009

This Just In.....

So for all those inquiring minds out there that wanted to know, I had my 2nd ultrasound today and found out that its a girl!! She is perfect. She has some long legs on her, which obviously she didn't get from me ;)

We had quite the party in the Dr. office. Besides me and my sister, who always comes with me, Tracy wanted to see the ultrasound so she came too. However imagine my complete and utter shock when we pull into the parking lot and see him sitting in his car. I could not believe he actually showed up. I hadn't seen him since the beginning of October so needless to say it was kinda awkward. I honestly did not think he would come. He says he's gonna be around but I can't really let myself believe him. He's just been sooo absent for sooo long, 1 Dr appt does not prove that my daughter is going to have her father around. I pray for her sake she does but I just don't trust him. I guess only time will tell....

This weekend was very productive. I went through all my millions of clothes that were just in piles in the guest room and ended up giving up more then 1/2 my wardrobe. I came out with 3 20 gallon tubs of clothes for the garage sale this spring. Now that my stuff is out of that room, my moms stuff can start coming upstairs and we can start painting. Now that I know what I'm having, we can use the leftover pink paint from the dining room! Man I'm soo excited to be able to get all girly with this baby!!!

Anyway, I'm tired I'm gonna go lay down and watch some Intervention. Hopefully I'll wake up snowed in and can't get to work tomorrow.

Monday, January 5, 2009

New Year, New Life

Welcome to 2009! Things have been kinda crazy for me the last month or so. First of all, I am now 20 weeks along. Yay for halfway there!! I had my first ultrasound Dec. 8. We found that everything was developing on schedule and was measuring correctly to how far I am, with no found abnormalities. It was too soon to find out what I was having so they scheduled another quick scan to check the organs that weren't fully developed at that time and to determine sex. I have that done Jan. 12 so in one week I will know what I'm buying for!!! Of course big thanks to my sister again for being there, because once again he "couldn't make it"

Things in that department have really started to take its toll on me right around Christmas time. I have so many thoughts and feelings towards him that I'm not going to take the time to go into too much. For Christmas I was feeling nicer then I should and I wrote him a letter saying some things I really wanted to say, and to tell him about my next appt. I slipped an ultrasound picture and a copy of the pics on a CD in there because he had yet to see them. Since he wouldn't respond to any of my messages, I gave it to his brother to give to him. Obviously it didn't do much good since I still haven't heard from him. After that I decided it was taking to much energy to try to include him in his own child's life. This baby is going to be here soon and I have way too much to do to waste my time trying to get him involved.

Between him and a "lady" I work with saying hateful things about me and my baby, Christmas was kinda blah. Apparently since I'm not married, her tax payer dollars are gonna end up raising my baby. I don't think I've ever been more personally offended in my life. I've already been struggling with the fact I'm scared I'm going to screw my baby's life up somehow, but for her to call it into question just hit really hard for me, and my boss agreed she was way out of line.

New Years was fun, even if Jake ruined it for me by telling me my favorite Cub got traded. :)Shock that I didn't know already, I know. We had a game night at Marks, and it was really good to see Nate and Brandon. Brandon and I had a little chat and it made me feel good to know that no matter what he wanted to be part of his niece or nephews life.

So that brings me to now. The new year. As I said, the baby is gonna be here soon, so I've been making lots of plans. We decided that we are going to tear down the guest room upstairs. Since my moms scrapbook area is the other half of my basement, we're going to move that all upstairs. If you have ever seen my moms scrapbook area, you know that it rivals a section at a store, so to take that all down and move it for the baby is very nice of her. Anyway that is all going upstairs so the whole other half of the basement will be the baby's "room". We're even going to paint over the hideously ugly wallpaper. Its gonna take a lot of work, so if anyone would like to help, that would be great ;) I feel so much better having a plan and not that it isn't already, it just makes it that much more real.

I've also been doing a lot of thinking about my job. 11-7:30 was perfect before when it was just me, but it isn't a very baby friendly shift, and honestly weekends and holidays aren't exactly ideal for me anymore either. So I just enrolled in an online course in Medical Billing. A girl at work gave me all the info and after I checked all out, it seemed perfect. The course takes about 4 months but you have up to a year to complete it, and best of all its the possibility to work from home, if not have a more steady baby friendly schedule.

All this stuff is being done to make my new life, and welcome my new life. I just want to thank everyone that has stood by me through everything. Your support has meant more than you know . Its been a struggle up until now, but I believe I'm finally finding my way :)