Thursday, February 12, 2009

Busy Busy Busy

Haven't had a whole lot of time to write lately, I've had so much going on trying to get everything ready for the arrival of baby girl Piehl (lame I know but I'm still not sure what I want to call her). However I have gotten so much accomplished, I don't have much left to do but wait until she gets here.



First of all she has been kicking up a storm. Unfortunately her favorite time to perform her circus act is about 2 in the morning making sleep a lot harder. She really moves a lot then, but not as much as when I put my iPod on my belly. My little girl is going to start appreciating good music from the beginning:)



I spend a lot of time browsing through baby aisles, checking out what I want when I came across the crib I wanted....and it was on sale.....and had a matching changing table.....also on sale! A couple days later I went back with my parents and they had 1 of each left and weren't planning on getting more in stock, so taking it as a sign we bought them both.



Since I had the crib out of the way, I starting looking for the bedding I liked. I went to Target, and Wal-Mart and got really frustrated because I didn't like anything. I searched online for stuff and got overwhelmed because there were just so many to choose from so I gave up. A couple days later my sister and I went back to Target to register and sure enough they got all new stuff in and I found my perfect bedding!



Registering was interesting. It was a lot of fun picturing my baby using all of the things I picked out, but it was hard because honestly I had no idea what I needed, only a list I copied off the internet. Katy and I spent 3 hours going aisle by aisle trying not to miss anything I might need. Between Target and Babies R Us I think I got everything covered.



Jen came home last weekend and we had a mission. If you have ever seen my parents basement, you know that it is dark hunter green on 3 walls and the ugliest wallpaper you've ever seen on the other wall. Our mission: paint over ugly walls. My parents repainted the house last year and they had a bunch of leftover paint some of which happened to be pale pink. Pretty convenient. All we wanted to do was at least get the walls painted but we ended up getting the walls painted, the crib and changing table all put together, the bedding all in and putting all the stuff I've accumulated so far put into its place. Its such an awesome feeling to come home and see my baby's room all ready for her and know that in a few short months she will be sleeping there :)



The last few weeks have been really hard for me emotionally. Him not being there at all is wearing me down and I'm pretty sure I cried a week straight one week. It all came to a head last week when I found out last week that he STILL hadn't told his parents. Seriously? I'm 6 months pregnant. I'm tired being ignored, avoided, and worse treated like I don't exist, that this baby isn't happening. Up until recently I have been trying to let him know when things were going on but the stress of it all is just getting to me. I was doing OK until he showed up at the ultrasound and got my hopes up he wanted to be involved. Sadly its been downhill ever since. I've been going over some numbers in my head and came up some things that were rather interesting.



178 number of days I've been pregnant

4272 roughly the number of hours I've been pregnant

5 maximum number of hours that I've seen or had a conversation with the father of my child

since I told him I was pregnant



0 number of times he's asked how me or the baby are since finding out I was pregnant

1 number of Dr appt. he's actually showed up for

4 number of times he bitched about having to buy all new stuff after finding out it was a girl

at that appt.



2 number of times I've called him a deadbeat

2 number of times he acted offended when I called him a deadbeat

2 number of times he has continued to act like a deadbeat after being offended at being called

a deadbeat.



I know in the past I've tried to keep my mouth shout and not go into much detail about how bad it really is, but I'm tired of being nice and if the truth hurts maybe accepting his part of the responsibility is what he needs to do. Going by the numbers above does not make me very willing to hand my baby over. Something has to change and so far I'm not convinced, but until then I will continue to make all of the decisions and hope that everything I do is in the very best interest of my daughter. Since he refuses to answer the phone or return any of my calls or messages, or even respond to the letter I wrote him, I left the ball in his court and he still won't get ahold of me. If he wants to be part of her life there is a lot we need to discuss and even more he has to convince me of. Until then, I'm done trying. I have more important things to do.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This sounds all too familiar.. hmm maybe we share baby daddies ;)

My son's father didn't tell his parents that there was a "possibility" of him having a child until after we got the results of our DNA test back.

After our son's first birthday.

Seriously.

He only took the DNA test because I told him I was going to drive 3 hours to his parents house and ask them to take one for me and I was not kidding even a little bit.

I won't say that all men are pathetic because there are a lot of stand up guys out there, but it seems like we always get stuck with the crummy ones.

Good luck with everything! I look forward to reading more of your blog!

Mama Crazy said...

I see that this is an old post - but I wanted to tell you I've been there. And your story sounds so much like mine, I thought I was reading my own blog from pregnancy, even though I didn't create one. My daughters father didn't tell his parents until I was almost 7 months pregnant. He has two other kids and takes care of them but some how "forgets" that he has another kid. Therefor I handle everything on my own.
If he doesn't want to be there, don't force him, he probably doesn't deserve to be a part of her life anyway. You will find a way to do it all on your own, or with the support of your family because that's what Mothers do. We cope, adapt, provide, and survive.
I look forward to hearing more from you!